Last, Last Day

First Day of Nursing School:

October 28, 2010

Last Day of Nursing School:

February 9, 2012

(TODAY!)

Yup, today was my last, last day.

(I think I look a little more tired and a lot more happy)

You're probably wondering how I'm feeling, on my last, last day. On every other last day of school I've been really excited for the vacation that the last day entails. But I've always know the vacation will end - and I will be back at school again. 

It's exciting to be done with school this time, but I don't have that, "YAY VACATION" feeling. I have the, "oh crap, I've REALLY got to get a job, and soon, because I've only been done for 5 hours and I'm already B-O-R-E-D, and because medical school costs more than a small island" feeling. It's not as fun....

It's a pretty bittersweet feeling. No more feeling guilty for watching a movie instead of studying. No more student discounts. No more waking up early for clinicals, or staying up late cramming for an exam. No more hilarious study groups with way too much sugar. No more boring lectures, and no more cracking jokes on Facebook during the boring lectures to spice things up... 

I also might be having an identity crisis. I started pre-school in 1991, and have been a student ever since - that's 21 years of being a student. And I have gotten really good at it, I am a good student. I know how to suck up to teachers, have the discipline to study, how to cram for tests, get good grades, look like I'm paying attention in class... you know, the things that make one a good student ;-) .

But now I don't really know what's next, and I don't know if I'm going to be good at whatever that is. What if I can't find a job? What if no one wants to hire me? What if I find a job right away and I'm not ready? What I am actually a crappy nurse?

Probably the most overwhelming feeling right now is the "I wish medical school was free" feeling, so I could keep going to school, where I'm comfortable and happy. Alas, small islands aren't cheap, so it's time for me to grow up learn how to not be a student any more. 

As I look around my office now, clean and empty and echo-y, I feel satisfied, but also sad and nostalgic. All those nights I worried about getting a bad grade, the times I thought I would fail, the stresses of school - it all seems sort of silly. 

And I feel lucky, so lucky. Blessed, actually, to be where I'm at, and to have the education that I have. I am so, so lucky and I already miss it. 

So, after saying time and again "I can't wait for school to be over!", "I can't wait to graduate", "only blank more weeks, months, days, etc." now, on the last of lasts I'm saying,

"I can't wait to be a student again."